How Difficult People May Age You Faster (And The Surprising Relationship That Does the Most Damage)

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Today’s Health Upgrade

Social Health
Number You Won’t Forget: 9 Months

It's Not Your Enemies. It's Your Frenemies.

You already know which people in your life drain you. Maybe it’s the relative who turns every dinner into a debate, or the friend who only calls when something's wrong, or they need a favor.

If you think those people are your biggest social stressor, there’s another type of relationship causing more trouble for your health than you expect.

Research suggests that the people who get on your nerves the most are not necessarily the ones who cause your DNA to age the most. 

Researchers mapped people's close social networks and flagged the members who make life harder (they called them "hasslers."). Then they measured biological aging using DNA methylation "clocks" that read chemical marks on DNA from a saliva sample to estimate how old the body is and how fast it is aging. 

Each difficult tie was associated with roughly nine months of extra biological age and about a 1.5% faster pace of aging. 

The people who are supportive sometimes and stressful at other times appear to be more stressful than those who are just consistently negative.

The researchers believe it’s because your body can brace for a known problem. But when someone is inconsistent, your stress response remains heightened, so you’re not blindsided. 

But let’s make sure we put this into context: biological clocks are flawed and have clear limitations, so we don’t know how much relationships can shorten your life. And there are many blind spots that could taint the data. For example, people in poorer health may report more difficult relationships.

Either way, there’s a significant amount of research that suggests your social life is tied to your physical and mental health. You don’t need to keep rankings of who is doing the most damage. But it might be a good idea to be aware of your relationships, so you can protect yourself from the damaging ones. 

A rule of thumb: Add more time with the consistently good, and limit it with the inconsistent friends who only show up part of the time. 

Together With Wispr Flow
Forget Less, Preserve More (Of What Matters)

You walk out of a meeting with three follow-ups and great ideas for each. You go to start writing it all down, but then you get a text message. Next thing you know, you have 2 new emails, and then someone pops their head into your office to ask you a question.

By the time the distractions end, you know the items, but you can’t remember all your great ideas. 

It’s not because you’re scattered or unfocused. It’s because your working memory — the stuff you can hold onto in the moment — has a limit, and you just surpassed it.

Research suggests immediately recalling your ideas, such as writing things down, helps you keep track when the mental load gets heavy, even if you already have a good memory.

In one study, researchers asked participants to listen to lists of two to ten letters and repeat them in order. During some rounds, they could use a pen and paper. During others, they had to rely on memory.

Writing helped with lists of six, eight, and ten letters. With shorter lists, it offered no clear benefit. At two letters, those who chose to write actually performed slightly worse.

The researchers expected people with weaker working memory (the ability to hold and use information in the moment) to benefit more. That didn’t happen. The advantage wasn’t tied to how strong someone’s memory was.

This doesn’t mean you need to write down every little thing. But when your head is full or when a great idea arrives, getting the thought down can preserve the brilliance that comes at the wrong moment. Or, it can prevent you from forgetting something you really want to remember. 

If you don’t have an outlet, you might remember the tasks but forget the good ideas. 

Your moments of insight can be slippery. And what kills it isn't a bad memory. It's the gap. Catch the idea or the to-do list before the distraction shows up, and you won’t be frustrated by forgetfulness. It can be as simple as a notes app, but you still get distracted sometimes.

We've tried many tools for this, and the one we've found most practical and helpful is Wispr Flow. 

You hold a key, talk, and all your thoughts and ideas land wherever you already are, whether it’s your notes, an email, Slack, or even a text message.

You can speak your ideas about three times faster than you can type, which is the difference between catching a thought and watching it go.

Wispr Flow won't give you a better memory, but it can help keep the good stuff from slipping away. 

Pump Club readers get 60 days of Wispr Flow Pro for free. They’re covering the first two months so you can see why we find it so useful.

The idea's already yours. This is a helpful way to keep it.

Mindset 
Weekly Wisdom

There's a sentence running in the back of most of our heads that sounds something lie, “When I finally get ____, then I’ll be happy.” 

There are endless variations: “When I get the promotion, I'll be happy,” “When I hit the number on the scale,” “When the house is done,” “When the kid sleeps through the night.” It goes on and on. 

Striving for something better isn’t bad, but here’s what happens: for many of these moments, when you reach the finish line, the experience is nothing like the expectation.

Psychologists call it the arrival fallacy, which is the belief that hitting a milestone results in joy, happiness, or meaning. But when the theory is tested, the results can feel deflating or disappointing. 

In one commonly cited study, lottery winners weren't any happier than regular people after their windfall, and they took less pleasure in everyday joys than everyone else. Now, that’s not to say all the money didn’t bring any joy or solve problems. But it’s a dramatic example of why pinning a feeling to an outcome can be hollow.

Part of this is because we adapt. The new car becomes the car. The raise becomes the salary. Your mind recalibrates to whatever it has, then starts scanning for the next thing.

We don't reset completely every time, and the negative seems to change more than the positive. Real loss and hardship stay with us for a long time. But the wins and the upgrades we spend our lives chasing can be fleeting. 

If you attach your happiness to the next achievement, it feels like your happiness because of an endless sprint on the hamster wheel.

Frankl's line is powerful because he suggests an escape route. 

Happiness isn't a place you reach by wanting it harder. It shows up while you're doing work that means something, or across the table from someone you love, or when you notice the day you're in. 

Chase happiness, and it can feel impossible to catch. Get lost in a life worth living, and it can feel like happiness is all around you. 

We won’t pretend there’s a quick fix, but it starts with recognizing the stakes you create. 

Pay attention and catch yourself the next time your mind suggests, "I'll be happy when ____." 

Then, change the question or your focus. 

Instead of attaching your happiness to an outcome, identify one thing that's already good right now or something that feels better because you’re not waiting for something to arrive.

The pivot will take some time. But it will make the journey more enjoyable, and when you achieve the goals you want, there’s a better chance it will deliver more of the feeling you want.

Questions From The Pump Club App
Why Your “Non-Drowsy” Allergy Pill Might Still Make You Foggy

Charles asked: Maybe off topic, but why are my allergy pills making me exhausted? I feel like I can’t do my workouts, and even with coffee or pre-workout, I’m still so sleepy. I thought these were not supposed to make you tired. Any ideas?

Just because an allergy pill is labeled “non-drowsy” doesn’t mean it can’t affect your energy. And some pills might be a better bet than others to keep you feeling like yourself.

The reason for the exhaustion is that some allergy pills reach your brain, and that makes certain people feel foggy, even at the standard dose.

Researchers have used brain scans to see how much of each drug reaches the brain regions that help keep you awake.

Fexofenadine, the drug in Allegra, barely shows up. Cetirizine, the drug in Zyrtec, reaches much more.

At the usual 10-milligram dose, it affects about 13 percent of the targets researchers measured. That’s still below the amount typically associated with sleepiness, but it’s higher than most other allergy pills marketed as non-drowsy.

Benadryl is another story. Its active ingredient, diphenhydramine, targets more than half of those. That’s why it’s also used in many nighttime sleep products.

These scans can’t tell you exactly how a pill will make you feel. Some people can take cetirizine without noticing anything. Others feel tired, slow, or mentally dull. But the scans help explain why a drug labeled “non-drowsy” can still affect you.

The dose matters, too. In one study, increasing cetirizine from 10 to 20 milligrams doubled the amount that reached the brain, from about 13 percent to 25 percent. More isn’t automatically better.

If your allergy medicine makes you foggy, ask a pharmacist about fexofenadine. Of the common options, it is the least likely to reach the brain and make you tired. 

And that’s it for this week. Thanks for being a part of the positive corner of the internet. And remember: don’t wait to make a change. Take action on any goal, don’t quit in the hard moments, and the results will come. Have a fantastic weekend!

-Arnold, Adam, and Daniel

The Positive Corner of The Internet
About Arnold’s Pump Club Editorial Standards

We do things a bit differently here, starting with transparency.

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Publisher: Arnold Schwarzenegger​

Editors-in-chief: Adam Bornstein and Daniel Ketchell